I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
