Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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