I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
