Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
