yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I seem to have left my pride at pride
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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