Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
