I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
