Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
