but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
