Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
