I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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