uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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