There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
