You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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