Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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