I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
