the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
