i already hear my dad disowning me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
