I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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