Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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