tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have feelings that need drinking.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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