allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
