i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
