TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
