They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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