Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
