I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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