come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
