Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
