I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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