Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
