Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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