When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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