you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need to get me chipped asap
I supernannyed him into submission
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
