i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
