That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
