I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
