so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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