Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
