You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
