no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
