With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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