Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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