Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Actions speak louder than pants.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
