I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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