I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
