I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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