Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
