I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
