hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
