She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
