i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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