well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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