the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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