she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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