Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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