I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
