based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
